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The Killer's Rulebook for Survivors [PARODY!]

LapisInfernalisLapisInfernalis Member Posts: 364
edited August 20 in Off-topic

Since we got a Survivor's Rulebook for Killers, all thanks to Samination, I thought it would be fair to have a Killer's Rulebook for Survivors. Of cause this is incomplete and I would like if you could add rules I might have forgotten.

(Edit: Because this seemed to be not clear enough:


So please no more comments about that this is meant seriously! I'm not stupid enough to believe these things below.)

Here we go:

1.To give the killer enough time, there can be only one person doing gens at any times. The others have a lot free time they can use for funny things, but not Bones.

2. Perks Survivors can NEVER use:

Decisive Strike, Dead Hard, Adrenaline, Borrowed Time, Deliverance, Iron Will, Unbreakable, Prove Thyself, Quick & Quiet, Balanced Landing, Lithe, Self Care, Urban Evasion, Head On, Distortion...

3. Survivors are not allowed to hide in lockers or behind Gens to counter BBQ and have to stay at their location so the killer can find them easier. Distortion is also not allowed (s. 2.).

4. Hex totems are not allowed to cleanse.

5. Dull Totems are only allowed to cleanse under the following rules:

-No Hex totem in game (confirmed by any means)

-max 1 Totem per Survivor so NOED can still spawn

6. Survivors are not allowed to group together prematurely and use strange communication devices.

7. Sparking gens are not allowed to touch again for 30s when the Killer kicked them.

8. So called "Infinite Loops" are forbidden to loop at any means! These are but not exclusive:

Ironworks of Misery, Groaning Store House, Suffocation Pit, Coal Tower, Crotus Prenn Asylum, Mother's Dwelling

9. The God Pallet(s) are instantly to be used.

10. Items and Add-ons Survivors can NEVER use:

Key (except green without add-ons), Rainbow Map, Alex' Toolbox, Engeneer's and Mechanic's Toolbox, Commodious Toolbox, Insta Heal, Brand New Part, Flashlight, Sabo add-ons

11. It is prohibited to sabotage hooks or traps.

12. Survivors are not allowed to Dead Hard over a trap.

13. It is prohibited to bodyblock the killer when carrying a survivor.

14. Only slow vaults are allowed!

15. Make sure to wait for the killer when he breaks a pallet you throw down.

16. It is forbidden to take the Hatch.

17. You are not allowed to wiggle free.

Post edited by LapisInfernalis on


  • SkarkioSkarkio Member Posts: 451

    Thanks to samination?

    the rules that Samination states in his video were the rules that countless surviors try to impose killers since the game was realeased!

    That video is meant to be a PARODY and MOCKERY about real and countless survivor's threads about such imaginary rules

    Killers don't need that kind of rulebook

    I kindly suggest you to take saminations video fo what it is: a a veiled (and funny)criticism about said imaginary rules ONLY made for entertainment purposes

    What you try to do here serves no purpose and makes you just as laughable as survivors who make infinite threads about deleting/changing/nerfing NOED and/or Ruin along BBQ

    Refrain yourself to fall that low please

  • LapisInfernalisLapisInfernalis Member Posts: 364

    @Skarkio I thought it was obvious that this is parody too.....

  • SkarkioSkarkio Member Posts: 451

    Right, because you stated so, and the time and effort you took to make this, of course it was absolutley "obvious" it was parody!

  • FibijeanFibijean Member Posts: 514

    @Skarkio While I understand not getting the joke due to the amount of people on these forums that do post stupid suggestions like those in the OP, given that you were not only wrong but kind of a jerk in the first place, this is the part where you say "oh haha my mistake I'm sorry" instead of defending your mistake by implying that it's OP's fault his humour was too subtle for you.

  • SkarkioSkarkio Member Posts: 451


    Humor? I can get it! foolishness don't!

    and while I may be, or not, a jerk I'm not the only making threads with "Subtle humor" who can potentialy divide even more the community with bias and serves no purpose, because to this moment, nobody is laughing with Op!

    He put this thread in "Gameplay Guides" section Instead on "General or "lounge section" but of course is solely my "mistake" and his humor was "too subtle" for me!

    What you call being a jerk, I call little patience for nonsense and I will never apologize for that!

  • LapisInfernalisLapisInfernalis Member Posts: 364

    @Skarkio Yes even in Parodies I invest time. As is Samination. Because anything that should be funny (as Parodies and Comedy f.e.) needs time to make because it has to be funny.

    But I do not mind if you still don't believe me. I can understand that one can loose hope with some stupid things people say here.

    @Fibijean Thank you.

  • JawsIsTheNextKillerJawsIsTheNextKiller Member Posts: 1,001

    Some people have no sense of humour!

    Some of us enjoy these fun posts. It's nice to have a break from buff this, nerf that.

  • LapisInfernalisLapisInfernalis Member Posts: 364

    @Skarkio Obviously this belongs here. Because if it wasn't here nobody would believe this. (This is irony of cause!)

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