You're probably the reason you don't find dbd fun anymore.
I have played the game for 4 years now. And even when I think "aghh this game sucks!" I still come back to it. I think a lot of veteran players have experienced this in a way. Usually the solution is to take a break. And it works after so long. I have come back from my break and I realized something. The reason why I didn't enjoy DBD anymore was because I took it too seriously. I have played a couple of matches today, losing the majority of them, but I didn't care. I actually had fun. I had fun using stupid builds and even found a surprising handful of times I could actually use my bad perks.
I've always hated confining myself to the meta, but I also wanted to win. And trying to actually win without meta perks was really hard. So I found myself frustrated with many things in the game. I wanted variety in my matches but it felt like I was handicapping myself to do so. The meta makes the game easier but it also turns it into a very rinse and repeat playstyle. When there's like 5 pages of perks on each side and everyone only uses about 16 interchangeably of course it's boring. There's no variety.
And that's where you need to help yourself. Step outside of your comfort zone and just enjoy yourself. Don't let the BM get to your head. Don't worry about making mistakes. Just let go and enjoy the game. With how buggy and imbalanced this game is, you have to embrace it. Embrace how chaotic the game is and just laugh at it.
If we could do this as a community I'm sure it would be better for everyone.